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THOUGHTS FOR A SLOW WEEK:
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctr Alt Delete' and start all over?
Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
A Good Friend Is Like A Good Bra: Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, and Always Close To Your Heart!
PONDERISMS:
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?'
Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.'
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he's going to look up there anyway?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:
Silicon Heaven (Paraphrased by Jerrold Schiff)
Ever wonder if Computers were like People, would there be a Silicon Heaven when they die? Thats a theological stretch! Or is it? There are five main components to a computer, each can be compared to the human body, and each could fail catastrophically. RAM or random access memory is like short term memory or words on the tip of the tongue. The Hard Drive is more like long term memory where you store pictures, documents and emails. The CPU chip is like the brain and does all the thinking. The Power Supply is like the blood of the body without it, there is no movement, no thought. And the Motherboard is the body which ties everything together and keeps communication strong. What attacks a computer? Electrical storms, old age, and viruses from outside sources like the internet. Some parts whether in us or in a computer, are replaceable. And viruses, like bad thoughts or deeds, can be stopped or fixed. So, is there a Silicon Heaven? Maybe only if your computer is very very good!
Topic: What every techie THINKS - but most know better than to SAY...
Worse thoughts and videos can be found tracing this link:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three_Dead_Trolls_in_a_Baggie
(Today, their web site is down. But when the web link works, you'll understand the reference "The HOLD button is your friend")
Steve The Computer Guy
I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Steve the computer guy, to come over. Steve clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?" He replied, "It was an ID ten T error." I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T error? What's that ... in case I need to fix it again?" Steve grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?" "No," I replied. "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out." So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T. I used to like Steve.............
PEBCAC
Problem Exists Between Computer And Chair
12 o'clock flasher
Definition came from the days of VCR's. The VCR would flash 12:00 until the time is set. The "flasher" part refers to the person who can't comprehend the menu / manual for setting the time!
Speaking of manuals?
Had a university professor who was so annoyed at one student's incessant questions, that he went to the board and wrote RTFM against four white boards. Moments later, when the student asked "What is RTFM". As the silence of the room descended, the prof responded "Read the Freaking Manual". Strangely, the student was quiet for the rest of the semester!
GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
1. Sag, you're It.
2. Hide and go pee.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Musical recliners.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy
SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE:
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.
OLD IS WHEN:
1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today.
4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!