The Virus Chronicles

All names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent. The facts, however, are a true and an accurate portrayal of events. If you recognize yourself, and believe others will too, please contact me and the article will be changed to your satisfaction.

Disclaimer: The owner holds no responsibility on the type of Ads provided by Google Adsense and other Ad Services in this blog since we do not monitor it. Click at your own risk.

You Can Be Replaced
About the client: She is a massage therapist, but not the registered kind. The kind that commutes to Tampa to meet her clients. The kind that pays in cash if you know what I mean. But I do not judge. The first four calls to fix viruses and network her two computers throughout the house were pretty much standard work. And everyone was happy. But as you know, times are tough in all lines of work.

I received a call that went like this: “Can you tell me, over the phone what I need to do?” Translation: “Tell me how to do this for free; I can’t pay you to come over to the house.” I politely responded, that no, it can’t be done over the phone, even if she could follow all the steps, it would take too long, and yes, I’d like to get paid for my knowledge. Here is where it gets good:

She, indignantly: “Well, I can go to the store and get software that does what you do!”
Me (trying to use humour): “Well, I can go to the store and buy batteries and do what you do!”

CIO Chief Information Officer
Talk about pressure!

Client: "Jerrold, before I retired, I was the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) of a major corporation for all of South Eastern United States. I had a CIO reporting to me. And he had a staff of 1,000 computer people reporting to him. Well, I am retired now, and the CIO is not here to report to me. You are reporting to me!"

Did you go to school to use that pen?
Almost every day I hear something like this: "I am computer illiterate!”

Response (Holding up a pen): “This is a pen. It comes with a simple on / off device” [click twice] “You went to school for a minimum of 12 years to learn how to use one of these things. With it, you can buy a car, a house. Heaven forbid, you can even get married using one of these dangerous devices.”

[Pointing to the computer] This computer is a bit more complicated than a pen. How many years did you go to school to use one of these?”

The reason computer manuals stopped came down to two things: The cost and the fact that no one read them. Think of the old VCR’s and “12 O’clock flashers” – the time displayed when it got too complicated to go into the menu and reset the time.

PEBCAC: Problem Exists Between Computer And Chair

He's Dead Jim
I can never say this enough: BACK UP YOUR DATA
Jerrold: "Your hard drive is dead. I can not retrieve data from a hard drive that does not spin up."
Customer: "You have to save it. All my pictures are there. My documents are there!"
Jerrold: "Can't help you. There are companies available, but they run from $300 to $3000"
Customer: "Isn't there something you can do?"
Jerrold: "My degree is in Computer Science, not Psychology. The best I can do is say 'Ah, Ah, Baby'...."

Where to put a virus:
Here is a story about "where to find viruses" that I tell my customers:

In my ten years of computer virus removal, I have found viruses in Program Files, Temporary (ie temp internet files), Windows and system32. But I have never found a virus in My Documents. Think about it: What do you do if you get a bad virus? You back up my doc, wipe the computer, reinstall the o/s, get all your updates, install anti virus and what is the last thing you do? Right, load the backup (my doc, pics, emails). TELL ME - WHY DON'T THEY LEARN TO PUT VIRUSES IN MY DOCUMENTS? That's where *I* would put them!

At this point, everyone tells me to be quiet and keep it secret (too late, its on this web page!)

DesktopLightning - Click Here For Free Traffic